2020 – A time to reflect

2020. What a year for all of us. As I sit here each night and reflect upon what seems to be somehow the longest yet the fastest year so far, I can’t help but think about all that has happened around the world, in our country, and even in my own life. I think about the losses that so many have had to grieve due to COVID 19 and the grief that I’ve been through in losing some of the most loved people I knew, though none of them lost their lives to COVID 19. I think about the losses that the country felt and how they impacted change for the better. I think about Kobe Bryant and RGB. I think about George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. I think about our police officers and how many of them just try to truly protect and serve us.

Trying to process this year has been hard. Though through all the loss, I have hope. I see the progress that our country has made and certain wins show us that we are finally headed in the right direction. Our country is coming together to fight for change and while we are still so very far away from where we should be in 2020, we are at least moving forward.

I think about my family. I think about myself. I think about how at the beginning of this year I was going through one of the hardest mental breaks of my life, though many didn’t know. I think about how this virus shaped 2020 and I appreciate that it’s given me time to truly become one with my thoughts and really take a deep look inside. I think about how Keenan and I have had a chance to become closer and really spend some amazing quality time with each other. That’s when I start to feel grateful and fortunate, and then I start to feel terribly guilty that I’ve been so lucky this year while so many people around me aren’t as fortunate.

I think about the holidays. I think about how different they are this year and how filled with fear I have been of spreading a potentially deadly virus rather than the magic that usually fills me so full of love and happiness. I think about how thankful I am that members of my community still put up lights and Christmas decorations to bring some sense of joy and normalcy to this otherwise chaotic year. My heart gets warm and fuzzy with each holiday card I receive in the mail from my loved ones. I’m so grateful for the little things that I normally don’t stop and think twice about. On one hand I’m scared to death of passing on this virus to my family, and on the other hand I’m just so glad I’m fortunate to be able to spend the holidays with them all. The struggle is real.

I could complain about how much this year sucked, but what good would it do? It won’t solve anything and it certainly won’t make me feel better. So instead I choose joy.

Like many of you, I want so badly to say that 2021 will be better, but I also know that come January 1st, 2021 all the pain and issues we are dealing with today aren’t going to magically disappear. So as we all fight our own battles and adjust our expectations of what we thought life would look like in 2020 or 2021, I urge you all to take a moment and be truly grateful. Think of all that you have rather than what this year has taken from you. Think of the good that 2020 has brought you; maybe that’s more time to read your favorite books, listen to your favorite songs, spend time with treasured loved ones, or maybe focus on other goals. Let’s be thankful for what we’ve been given and try to focus on the happiness that 2020 brought us, rather than the sheer misery that accompanied it.

Let’s hug our loved ones a little tighter each time we see them. Let’s call our bestfriends at the most random times just to hear their sweet voices telling us that they love us too. Let’s throw frisbees outside with the kids next door just because we can. Let’s express gratitude that we are healthy and choose joy over despair.

Until next time, let your light shine bright.
Happy holidays, friends.