When we came home from Barbados, we noticed that our sweet, 9.5-year-old kitty was acting unwell. We thought it might just be depression from us being gone for a while, but then we started thinking about it and she had been a little off for a few weeks leading up to our Barbados trip.
I kept an eye on her and made sure she was still eating, drinking, peeing, and pooping… you know, all the things you want to see happening in your little fur loves. She became skinnier and skinnier as the days went by and then we started to see bathroom accidents in places they shouldn’t have been. I was practically begging her to eat, and serving her treats, food, and water in bed.
My mom came to visit me while Hubman was out of town for the holiday. I think we both knew what was going to happen that weekend. Here I am, mourning the loss of our embaby and trying to get my body back to normal after our first round of IVF, and my sweet kitty was trying to leave me too.
Instead of growing our family, it was actually shrinking. We were losing our sweet Mimzee to cancer.
My mom and I loved on Mimzee most of the weekend; making sure she was warm and comfortable. But Saturday night was when we realized that something had to be done. Our sweet baby Mimzee was in so much pain. I sat on the bathroom floor with her until 3 in the morning. We both cried. She was hurting and I didn’t know how to fix it.
At 3am, I finally gave in and tried to clean her with a shampoo wipe to freshen her up a bit, then I wrapped her in her favorite cuddle blanket and laid in bed with her next to me so tightly, to try to warm her and calm her. I was hoping maybe, just maybe we both could get some sleep.
My heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. I knew this was going to be the last time I laid in bed and held our cuddle bug. The best hugger in the whole house was letting me love her for just a little bit longer.
Hubman wasn’t home to give her pets, belly rubs, or even say goodbye. It was heart-wrenching.
The next morning, we took sweet Mim to the ER. After spending all day there, we finally got the news that we all knew was coming. Sweet Mimzee Cat was laid to rest on December 19th. Her G’ma was by her side, as this sensitive and heartbroken kitty momma couldn’t bear to witness her transition.
We love Mim dearly, and she’s already missed more than words can express. Rest well, sweet Mim. You’ll ALWAYS be our “Little Bitty Pretty One!”
Sister kitty, Zelda, will keep your basket warm. She misses you too.
Love your babies a little harder tonight. Give the dogs some cheese and catnip the kitties. Give them a nose boop and lots of kisses. Play tug of war extra long time and don’t stop giving those belly rubs until your arm falls off. Tell them you love them.
The Clinic Director Anna Hosford and Medical Director Dr. Juliet Skinner became like family during the 14 days that we were visiting Barbados. They greeted me with hugs and warmth and the biggest smiles! They made Hubman and I feel so comfortable and were kind, patient, and honest with us both. They took such wonderful care of me throughout our entire process, from the MONTHS before meeting them, to even weeks after our 1st round was complete.
The entire clinic was truly amazing. Not once did we feel like a number, or just a process. We felt respected, honored, heard, and welcomed from the very first encounter we had with our clinic. Each and every person in that building was warm, kind, welcoming, loving, and patient.
Results of our first cycle
Unfortunately, our dream of a “Barbados Baby” didn’t happen this time.
When Anna called me to discuss the result, I swear to you that I could feel her warm hug 2000 miles away. She was so comforting and sensitive and knowing that she truly cares about her patients was the most heartwarming part of this entire journey.
I’m so appreciative that our first experience was with such amazing people, in such an amazing place. ZERO REGRETS.
For now, we’ll snuggle our 2 precious kitties into the holiday season while we mourn, grieve, and make a roadmap for our next steps on this journey.
I hope we are able to return back to the clinic someday, even if it’s just to swing by some breakfast while we are on vacation. I couldn’t recommend Barbados Fertility Centre any more than I already have. Many of you have reached out to me with questions and I’m more than happy to help anyone on this journey that I can.
Infertility is hard. Know that you are not alone. I love you all. Always.
After our transfer, Hubman and I went out to explore the beautiful island of Barbados a bit more before we had to come home. It was the weekend, so with no pressure to be at our computers for a few days, we hopped in the car and took off. (Buckle up! This one is a long one!)
The first place we visited was called Bathsheba Park. We enjoyed the scenery and watched the waves crash for what seemed like hours, though it wasn’t that long at all. It was unreal. Bathsheba is a rugged and scenic beach with beautiful and dramatic rock formations. We loved watching the surfers ride the waves again and again. It was mesmerizing and relaxing, and I swear, I felt so close to God at that moment.
Cherry Tree Hill
Cherry Tree Hill was a beautiful scenic area that we enjoyed exploring for a while. We were approximately 850 feet above sea level in this location. It is believed that the name “Cherry Tree Hill” originated from the large number of cherry trees which once existed at this location. Today the road is lined with mahogany trees, which were introduced into Barbados after the Treaty of Paris in 1763. As you descend the hill the mahogany trees give way to swaying sugar cane.
Cherry Tree Hill is part of the St. Nicholas Abbey plantation. St. Nicholas Abbey Rum is produced at the on-site rum distillery.
Morgan Lewis Windmill
Morgan Lewis Windmill is located in the northern part of the island overlooking the eastern coastline. Morgan Lewis is one of the only two intact and restored sugar mills in the Caribbean.
Another beautiful place we visited was Cove Cave. Otherwise known as “Cove Bay,” it’s one of Barbados’ hidden gems. With a gorgeous view of the Atlantic Ocean, it’s the perfect private little getaway spot for picnics, meditation, or general sightseeing. This part of the island is peaceful and serene. You have the cliff to remind you just how small you are in this universe and constant breeze in your hair, the sound of the waves crashing below you, and horses and cows behind you grazing, it truly is breathtaking!
Animal Flower Cave
Next, we went to Animal Flower Cave. Named for its sea anemones, Animal Flower Cave is the island’s only accessible sea cave. It’s located at the northernmost point of the island. We had the opportunity to swim in the cave’s rock pools, so if you visit this spot, be sure to bring your swimsuit and a towel.
Ask the tour guides to let you touch the sea anemones. It’s SO much fun. (Spoiler alert, there’s a video of what happens when you poke them on my TikTok!)
Hunte’s Garden was definitely a must-see, in my book. “A place of serenity where you can feel peace of mind and the tranquility of your soul whilst being surrounded by nature in some of the wonderous varieties it has to offer. Take a leisurely stroll through the tall palm trees of what once was a regular gully; which has now become a majestic transformation by Anthony Hunte into an ornately designed garden located in Barbados, known by many around the world, simply as: Hunte’s Gardens.”
Hunte’s Gardens is located in the Saint Joseph Parish, along with Bathsheba Park and Beach. Here, you’ll see some of the most magical tropical plants, beautiful wildlife (yes, even wild green monkeys playing in the trees!), and hear the sounds of beautiful classical music playing softly in the back with the birds happily singing along.
The gardens used to be part of the Castle Grant sugar plantation. In 1990, The owner, Anthony bought ten acres of this plantation and transformed the area in and around a collapsed cave into, not only his home but the most beautiful of gardens. The Garden was opened to the public in 2007
Our last few days
We had to work the last half week we were on the island, so unfortunately our true fun time had come to a halt. I forced myself to get up early and get some beach time in before work each day. After work each day we would walk down the boardwalk and have dinner and watch the sunset. We sat on the piers and watched the waves crash and stared at Venus and the moon shining perfectly over the sea. It was bittersweet to know that we’d be leaving soon, but we tried to be in the moment and soak up every magical moment that Barbados could give us. Just being together in such a beautiful place was enough to fill my heart with love and joy. We met some of the most amazing people that I can truly never forget; from the locals of the island, to my EPIC fertility team, to other amazing women that are on their own fertility journey, these humans will forever have a place in my heart. We fell in love with Barbados and knowing we were there to grow our family made it even more special to us. We can say with 100% certainty that we will be back again soon.
When we got back home
After spending the last few days on the island with each other, it was time to return home with our little embryo and finish the wait from there. We flew home on Thanksgiving Day and arrived back at our home around 2am the Friday after. We were glad to come home to our 2 beautiful kitties, but we found it much harder to distract our minds from “little em,” which was the name we lovingly were calling our embaby. I tried to keep busy and enjoyed visiting with many friends and family that came to see us and our new home. I decorated for the holiday, and tried to remind myself as much as I could, that, “Science is awesome! What will be, will be.”
Stay tuned to see the results of our first IVF round. We truly appreciate you following us on our journey. It’s hard, but most things worth something aren’t easy. #MakingBabyKnight
Saturday morning I woke up around 6:30 to shower. I was so relieved to see that I was no longer bleeding and started to trust that maybe Dr. Skinner was right and last night’s ordeal was really nothing to worry about. We drove to the clinic (Thank goodness for that rental car!) and we both got called back for our transfer.
I was told to undress, place a hair covering and a gown on, and head back to the same room where the retrieval took place. I arrived with a very full bladder, which is required for embryo transfer. Dr. Skinner asked how I was feeling since she sensed the panic in my voice just a few hours before. She assured me that everything would be fine and before the transfer, she did a quick exam to check things out. She wiped quite a bit of blood away and confirmed that it was just a wound that was healing from the egg retrieval. Due to my blood thinner injections, the smallest little nick could look like a catastrophe (and it did).
Once she was confident that we could proceed, she transferred our 1 and only embryo on its 3rd day. I had someone with a sonogram on my abdomen, and Dr. Skinner transferred our embryo directly into my uterus for safekeeping using a speculum and a catheter. It was uncomfortable because my bladder was so full and was being pushed on, but it wasn’t painful at all. I laid there for a few minutes, then got up to get dressed and use the restroom, we took some pictures with our team, and that was the last time we saw them.
After transfer, I had no rules. Just don’t go weight lifting, hiking Everest, or soaking in hot water. Limit stress. Enjoy life. Take a pregnancy test on December 4th and let them know how it turns out. They did keep me on steroids, blood thinner injections, progesterone, estradiol, and a few other medications. So began the two-week wait (TWW) and the mental battle of knowing there’s nothing more you can do, and what will happen, will happen.
Wanna know what I did during my TWW? Be sure you’re subscribed to my blog so you get an email when I post an update. Thank you all so much for all your continued support, kindness, and love.