motherhood

The Small Gate and the Big Adventure

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Motherhood has a way of reminding you that control is mostly an illusion.

This week, our three year old reminded me of that in the most heart stopping way possible.

She went on her first adventure.

Alone.

Somewhere between a normal moment and the next, she slipped out the front gate. I don’t know if it was curiosity, bravery, or simply the unstoppable spirit that lives inside every small child who believes the world is theirs to explore.

One moment she was with me.

The next moment she wasn’t.

If you’ve ever experienced that split second when your brain realizes your child is not where they should be, you know the feeling. It is cold and electric and immediate. Your mind races faster than your feet can move.

I called her name.

Nothing.

I checked the yard.

Nothing.

And then the panic started to rise.

Because motherhood is beautiful, but it is also the constant, quiet understanding that your whole heart exists outside your body, walking around in tiny shoes.

While my mind spun through every terrible possibility, that child of ours was simply… exploring.

Just a few doors down.

Thankfully, she didn’t encounter any danger. She encountered kindness.

Some wonderful neighbors saw a small curly headed adventurer wandering the neighborhood and did what good humans do. They kept her safe and made sure she wasn’t alone while I raced to find her.

By the time I got to her, she was completely calm. Probably wondering why I looked like I had just run a marathon with my heart in my throat.

To her, it had been an adventure.

To me, it had been the longest few minutes of my life.

There is a strange duality in parenting a child like mine. She is fearless. Curious. Independent in a way that both amazes me and terrifies me.

And while my instinct is to protect her from the entire world, another part of me knows that her bold spirit is exactly what will carry her through life.

Still, we will absolutely be reinforcing the gate situation.

Because motherhood is a balance between raising brave children and keeping them alive long enough to grow up.

This week reminded me of two things.

First, that it truly takes a village. I am deeply grateful for the neighbors who saw our little girl and stepped in without hesitation.

Second, that these tiny humans we raise are already becoming their own people. Adventurers. Explorers. Curious little souls who want to see what’s around the corner.

Sometimes that corner is just a few houses down.

And sometimes it gives their mom a mild heart attack.

But it ended the best way it possibly could have.

Our daughter safe in my arms.

My heart slowly returning to my chest.

And a gate that will definitely be getting a better latch.

Love y’all,

Meig

Who is Meighan? She’s just Momma now.

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The Lost Identity of Motherhood—and the Journey to Find Myself Again

I used to wonder what happened to moms after they had children. Where did they go? It was almost symbolic: they seemed to slowly disappear from their own photos, replaced by baby pictures, and for some reason, that used to straight piss me off. I’d find myself wondering: How could someone get so completely lost in motherhood?

Now, I get it. I really do.

There is a loss of identity when you become a mom. At least, that’s been my experience. You become consumed by things you never thought you’d care so much about—milk intake, nap timings, diaper changes, meal plans, teething remedies. The list goes on and on. And somewhere along the way, you forget yourself a bit. You forget how to talk about anything other than the endless cycle of mothering. The things that used to bring you joy—your hobbies, your passions, your interests—fall to the wayside. Slowly, your world becomes smaller, and your conversation more limited. Let’s be honest, it can get a little… dull.

But then, you find other moms. Women who, before motherhood, you might not have connected with. But now, you’re all in the same boat—rattling around in this lost property box together. And in some way, it’s comforting. You’re not alone in this strange, beautiful chaos.

I know deep down that I’ve gone AWOL since becoming a mom. I’ve almost forgotten that there’s a world out there, separate from motherhood, that I can still be a part of.

So, I’m slowly reclaiming my “me-ness” again. It’s a work in progress, but it’s happening. And when I do, I notice something beautiful: Ady enjoys it more, too. It feels more authentic. Now, instead of just playing “Ms. Moni” on repeat, we have little dance parties to the music I love. I’ve even started taking the time to look half-human again in the mornings—putting my old face back on. These small changes, as trivial as they may seem, are helping me reconnect with myself, and I’m pretty sure they’re good for all of us.

Motherhood is a balancing act. You’re helping this tiny human develop their identity, but it’s just as important not to forget your own. It’s okay to be both: a mom and a person, with interests, dreams, and a self that existed long before motherhood.

And every little step I take to reclaim that feels like a victory. Here’s to becoming Meighan again, instead of just Momma.