“I know.”

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Catharsis – It’s something that I do. I do it daily. It helps me process the pathetic mess of my life. It helps me process pain and loss. It helps me process love and friendships. It helps me to release all my emotions without being violent or destructive. Sometimes I draw, other times I play my instruments or compose songs, but mostly I write. Everyone knows I write and everyone knows it’s very rare that I share my most personal, intimate thoughts with the general public because there’s something unnerving about letting other people inside my head.

Yesterday was my Nonnie’s “Celebration of life.” (Memorial service) I read a poem that I wrote and lots of people asked for a copy of it, so here it is. Enjoy.

I know.

By Meighan Knight

“Nonnie, I’m so tired.”

“Rest my girl, but do not quit.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I feel weak.”

“Hush, my girl. You are so strong.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I’m hurt.”

“Cry, my girl. Time heals all wounds.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I feel like I’m going to break.”

“Bend, my child. There’s no need to break.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I miss him so much.”

“Tell his story, my child. Remember he is free.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I’m happy!”

“Wonderful, my child. These days come and go.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, you look tired.”

“I need to rest, my child, but I will not quit.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, you seem weak.”

“Hush, my girl. I’m fine. I’m strong.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie! You’re hurt!”

“I cried my girl, time will heal these wounds.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, you’re so sad.”

“I cannot live my life, my child, but you’ve made me so happy.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, you’re breaking.”

“My mind is breaking. My body is breaking. I am not breaking, my child.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be free. Just remember those words.”

“I know.”

“Nonnie, you’re happy!”

“Remember me, my child. Forever and for all eternity. I’m finally free.”

“I know.”

In memory of my dear Nonnie who was the greatest grandmother a girl could have. May she fly high and sprinkle happiness on us all.

November 17th, 2017

SURPRISE!

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Well hello, beautiful people! Boy, do I have some AWESOME news to share with you guys. This is something that very few people know, however, with his permission I am FINALLY allowed to make this public knowledge.

My husband, Keenan, will be having the gastric sleeve surgery along with me. This is such exciting news. The decision I made to have weight loss surgery is most definitely going to change my life, however, I’m the most excited about having a partner by my side through each of the steps that I have to go through. Not only will I not be alone in this adventure, but I’ll have my sidekick who FIRST HAND understands because he’ll be in the exact same boat as me!

We have both done the first 2 steps of the process and are currently waiting to see what’s next. I can’t wait to ride rollercoasters with him and go back to watching Ranger’s games all the time. Perhaps we can go hiking in Hawaii together or actually enjoy traveling to new places because we can fit in the airplane seats! I have high hopes that this will drastically change the future of our marriage. You guys, when I tell you that I’m beyond excited – I don’t think you all can possibly understand how much I truly mean this. Having this weight loss surgery is going to give me my life back. It’s going to be a whole new world for the both of us.

Not only will my husband and I be able to go on more adventures, but I’m hoping to make a lot more memories with other family and friends as well. I miss walking around the park and feeding the ducks on hot summer days. I miss playing “airplane” with my niece and nephews. I miss strapping on my rollerblades and getting lost in nature for just a little while. I miss being able to play fetch with all the puppies and chasing them around the yard. I miss going shopping with my girlfriends in all the small town boutiques that only carry S, M, & L. Gosh, there is so much that I miss.

I really want to write a post that explains what the surgery will involve and what is to be expected after the surgery day, I just haven’t had a lot of extra time as of late. Perhaps this week I can make some extra time to spit that one out for y’all. For now, I’m just going to leave you guys with just a few benefits of having this surgery that Keenan and I will be having very soon. It’s all just so so so exciting!

Tomorrow is sneaking up fast and I just realized I have no clean pants. FML y’all.
Good night.

Just to be clear…

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So apparently a lot of people didn’t read yesterday’s post in its entirety and jumped to conclusions. It seemed to be a shocker when I was at work after having “Such a huge surgery…”

Guys, I did not have surgery yesterday. I had a simple endoscopy.

A few of you asked me what exactly what this procedure is so I’m going to clear it up a bit with this post.

An upper endoscopy, also known as EGD, is a procedure in which a thin scope with a light and camera at its tip is used to look inside the upper digestive tract – the esophagus, stomach, and first part of the small intestine, called the duodenum.

Usually performed as an outpatient procedure, upper endoscopy sometimes must be performed in the hospital or emergency room to both identify and treat conditions such as upper digestive system bleeding.

The procedure is commonly used to help identify the causes of:

• Abdominal or chest pain
• Heartburn
• Bleeding
• Swallowing problems

An upper endoscopy is more accurate than X-rays for detecting abnormal growths and for examining the inside of the upper digestive system.

To read the original article on WedMD.com, click here!

Created for the National Cancer Institute, http://www.cancer.gov

I still have a bit of a sore throat, which is completely normal. All is well for now! Once I have more information about when the next step is, I will share it here.

I have lots to do before bed tonight, so I must go for now.
Bonne Nuit, Y’all!

LSG – Step 2

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The EGD.

  • Date – 10/11/2017
  • Appointment time – 5:45 AM.
  • Procedure – EGD.

3:30 AM – What is that noise? What’s going on? Where am I? Make it stop. Growl. Hiss. Roar!

3:45 AM – I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. This is getting real. I’m about to have my stomach chopped up. The anxiety is happening. Fuck.

4:00 AM – Keenan stole the fucking shower. Really?! Dude. I’ll just lay in bed and ride this anxiety attack out. It’ll be fine. Deep breaths.

4:15 AM – Shower. Finally. It was comforting for a moment then as I was waking up the reality of it all set back in. This isn’t just an endoscopy, this is the beginning of a completely life-changing process. Shit. Anxiety sucks. My heart racing. My stomach is trying to escape through my throat which is clasped shut from fear. I have to go. I can’t be late… get out of the shower. You can have a meltdown later. Put on some pants and let’s go.

4:30 AM – Thank goodness it’s cool outside. I think I might puke. This is really happening. I’m really taking the jump into the bariatric surgery society. Okay, Meighan, you want this. You are excited about this. This is going to be the change you need to live your life like a “normal” person.

4:40 AM – Turn the music down. I can’t handle it. Turn it off. Silence. Quit talking. It’s early. I’m thirsty. Why is Plano so far away? Gosh, I’m thirsty. Uh oh. There’s a rumble in my tummy.

5:30 AM – We’re here. I might puke. This is so real and it’s not even about the silly endoscopy!! This procedure is nothing really. It’s about the fact that this is just one of the steps required to do the BIG ONE!! This is the start of my journey. Here we go.

6:30 AM – Okay. I’m tired. Where are the drugs? I want a nap. Over it. I’m just hungry and SO fucking thirsty. Let’s get this over with…

7:30 AM – I’m so bored. I’ve already answered all of these questions 100 times. I hate waiting. Come on already.

8:15 AM – FINALLY!!! Let’s do this shit!!!

9:00 AM – Where am I? What happened? Who are you? WATER!!!!!

10:00 AM – Ah. No more pants. My couch. My kitty. My blanket. Win. Home sweet home.

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Results – I have a hiatal hernia and my stomach produces way too much acid. They took tissue samples which I will hear more about later this week. My surgeon can’t wait to pull out that mess. According to him, my life is about to change!

(Duh…)

No news yet on the BIG surgery date, but I can tell you all that I have decided to have the laparoscopic gastric sleeve. (I’ll be posting more about what it is later!)

Now, if you will excuse me, I’m exhausted. I know there are a lot of questions and I’ll try my hardest to keep you all informed and as educated about this entire process as I possibly can.

Until next time,