Project Life is still underway!

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Well hello! It’s been a minute since I’ve updated my site and for good reasons too! I’m sure you all are wondering where I’ve been and why I stopped writing so much… Or maybe not, that’s cool too. So here’s a quick little update to recap the past few weeks.

First of all – let’s address the vegan diet thing. As many of you have noticed, (and so nicely pointed out, EVERY TIME) I am not following a plant-based diet at this time. I made it well over 2 months which was well over my first set goal. I learned a lot about myself during the “vegan journey” and I’m actually extremely proud of myself for sticking to it for a long as I did. I haven’t given up on it yet, that’s for certain, I’m simply taking a small little break.

Since my last blog post, I’m happy to say that I’m still losing weight. Not as rapidly as before, because mmmmm…. cheeseburgers, however, a slow and steady loss is alright with me. (For now!)

“Better living through chemistry.”
– Dearest

I went for a few weeks where I wouldn’t eat at all. Maybe a few pieces of fruit now and then, but mostly nothing, just lots and lots of water and Altoids. SO HEALTHY, right? I was in a downward spiral and I let my depression take control and bring me down. It was a dark few weeks but I eventually managed to pull myself out of that little train wreck I had gotten myself into. I went from compulsively overeating to not eating at all. I got sick, I suffered from stomach pains and headaches, it was just terrible. Not doing that again! I saw my doctor because I knew things were getting out of control. After a few medicine switches, all is well with my mind again. As a dear friend of mine would say, “Better living through chemistry.”

So what’s next? Well, many of you have heard me say that I’ve wanted to do something a bit more forceful in the way of getting my life back on track. I’ve been talking about having weight loss surgery for years. YEARS! I’ve been doing research for so long, I’ve visited with a small handful of doctors about which procedure would be best for me. I’ve backed out it because of financial reasons or because something just didn’t feel quite right. I wasn’t ready back then. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to have made the right decision, however, the thought of having some type of surgery to help me start making better choices and take better care of my body has always been on my mind. I was ashamed of admitting this at first because I was afraid people would say I’m taking the easy way out.

“Losing weight isn’t that hard. Just get up and move. Stop eating. Drink water.”
– Fitness guru friend

I’m finally in a place where I can very PROUDLY say that I am having weight loss surgery. I had my first appointment a few weeks ago and tomorrow morning I go in for my endoscopy. You guys have been so supportive of my journey so far, that I’ve decided to share my experience with you guys from the get-go. There will be lots of pictures, information, and of course updates with each passing day after the procedure is done. I am so beyond excited for this opportunity. I truly feel like I’m being given another shot at life and I’ll be damned if I fuck this up.

I know you all have questions about what type of surgery I’m having and when it is and yada yada yada… I’ll get to that another time, my alarm clock says it’s time to get dressed and stuff so, for now, I must go. (Trust that I’d rather sit here with no pants on all day… but adulting blows) I’ll post more information tonight.

Thanks for hanging around this long. It was fun!
Hugs and love and stuff,
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#NSV

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The past 2 days I’ve been able to wear pants that haven’t fit in almost 18 months!!

I can’t even wait I can toss these and buy some even smaller.

Everything about this diet change has been positive for me. Yes, I’ve had a few slip ups and I pay dearly each time, (3 to be exact) but seeing the results and actually feeling better about myself is enough of a reward for me to keep going it’s hard to believe that my mother in love is making brisket and beans and I’m gladly opting out and choosing meatless balls instead! Last night they had grilled chicken and the smell alone almost made me barf.

Dinner’s almost ready and I have to do the stir fry. I’ll write more later.

For now, here’s a picture of my husband and I for your viewing pleasure… *snort*

Peace and Love and Stuff,

I have a confession…

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I have pondered sharing this story for almost a week now. I didn’t want to let you guys down, I guess I was ashamed at first. I felt like I had failed myself and everyone who believes in me, but then I came across this amazing quote by Nanea Hoffman.

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She’s one of my writing influences and you can find one of her posts about anxiety here. (That article is my favorite!)

Anyways, as I was saying… I didn’t want to tell you guys this, but once I read this quote, I knew that my declaration would help you to understand that I positively do make mistakes just like any human does. Because I failed to plan, I set myself up for failure and sure enough, I failed. It was inevitable.

Last weekend wasn’t the best of weekends. Things around here have been a bit stressful, to say the least. My laziness won over the weekend though because I was far too lazy to put on pants and leave the house to bomb my “no animal products” diet.

Along came Monday… Before I even made it out of bed I just knew it was going to be a rough one. I managed to drag myself out of bed and make it through the day but by the time the clock struck six, I just couldn’t even wait to get my hands on something greasy and terrible. I had been craving a cheeseburger for hours and I simply couldn’t wait any longer to sink my teeth in a juicy, double cheeseburger with REAL mayonnaise.

A few people tried their hardest to divert my attention and keep me focused on my purposes, however, my mind was made up. On the way home I was going to stick my middle fingers to the wind and eat all the bad things. No one could stop me. So I did exactly that.

I pulled up to Jack in the box and thought long and hard about ordering something that wouldn’t make me feel guilty. Maybe some potato wedges? Those are vegan. How about curly fries? Hmm. Maybe just some plain English muffins I can put “butter” and jam on at home! Nope. That takes too long and I want something right this second. So I did it. I ordered an ultimate cheeseburger with mayo. I pulled over in a big parking lot and devoured it. Guys, you would have thought I hadn’t eaten in a month. It was pitiful. I ate it so fast that I almost forgot to chew it! I was eating it fast because I was embarrassed. I instantly felt guilty for having a moment of vulnerability.

This wasn’t even the worst part! The worst part was I knew what I was doing and even though I knew I needed to stop and I was NOT appreciating every mouthful like I thought I would, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t put the ball of cholesterol and antibiotics down. I chose to keep eating it! Even though I KNEW with each bite I was just ingesting thickened cow puss, I just simply couldn’t stop myself.

To think about it now, it’s repulsive. I didn’t get any sleep that night because my stomach was so upset and I had a pounding headache for hours. The consequences simply were not worth the “treat.” (If you call greasy, processed, nothing natural about it, patties on a highly processed piece of “bread” covered with more cholesterol and melted coagulated cow slices a treat, you might rethink your opinion of a treat. For real…) Consider a manicure or new art supplies instead.

Food shouldn’t be a treat. I keep reminding myself of this in anticipation that perhaps one day it will truly sink in.

So there. I’ve made my confession about failing at one meal. ONE MEAL. Does that mean I have failed myself and I have given up on my hopes to become healthy and free of heart disease? NO! Not by any means at all. What it means is that I made a bad decision because I hadn’t developed a plan to have something fast, convenient, and most importantly, healthy to fill my belly with before I let the craving win.

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.”

-Og Mandino

Lesson learned.
I might have lost this battle but I still have a whole war to win. Just watch.

To those of you who are working toward a goal, remember this, it’s fine to take a break, it is not okay to quit. Put the past behind you, move on RIGHT THEN, (Not tomorrow or next Monday, or after your vacation) and don’t make the same mistake twice. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Until next time,

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